Valentine's Day Memo

When considering it as a memo, I am actually saying: these are things I really need to work on, either for relationship, marriage, family, work or church...

• One should always feel content in Christ before he/she seeks happiness from partner or spouse. Only God Himself knows and can satisfy the deepest need in our hearts. We don't know how to love and how to receive love unless we feel loved in God.

"We love, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19, NASB)

• One of man's biggest relationship lessons is to listen to his wife or girlfriend. It's hard. Too often I just want to express my thoughts, to defend my views, and to say the other person is wrong. Indeed, in some situations I might be more correct than the other person, but did I think about what she feels and thinks before rushing to tell her "you are wrong"? Admittedly, many times I responded even before she finished, and didn't get what she said after hours of quarreling...

"This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God." (James 1:19-20, NASB)

• The world says love is reciprocal, but I believe God wants us to show love even we don't feel quite loved by our partner - how did I know she doesn't love me when I don't feel loved? There could be times when she is showing love to me, but my anger, frustration and impatience turn her love away, and make her frustrated. Even if she actually not feels like loving me, God still wants me to love her.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8, NASB)

• Love is always the best solution in relationships - it's not saying there is no true-and-false in relationships, but bargaining with abstract principles does not improve a relationship. When reflecting my past years, I realized "what needless pain I bear" just because I argued, explained and quarreled with others instead of listening, praying or saying "sorry". She doesn't need my argument, explanation or instruction. All she needs is understanding, comfort and love.

"You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:7, NASB)

• Do not neglect the power of praying for others. I prayed a lot and loved to pray for many years, but didn't proactively lead other people to pray very often. I thought it's not much different to pray for someone from to say "I will pray for you". I wasn't aware how beautiful and powerful it is to pray for one's need in person until someone prayed for me when I felt extremely helpless even being in a congregation of many. Prayer doesn't need justification. It is the best way we can demonstrate the love of Christ, Who is in heaven and interceding for us.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6, NASB)